Saving...
What is the stupidest thing anyone ever said to you when they found out you had cancer?
I love to hear what patients have heard from the medical community, their friends, and even their family members.
Topics (Tags):
Diseases:
Answer Summary
nancys513 (Current Patient) - 07 / 06 / 2011
The dumbest thing that someone said to me was "at least you can get a free boob job!!!" I almost slugged them. A year later I finally told that person how upsetting and hurtful their statement was. She told me that she was scared and did not know what to say to me and said that she was sorry. It made me feel a bit better understanding why she said it...
member2787 (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 07 / 02 / 2011
I heard the same thing. the dumbest thing I heard was "at least you don't have to do chemo" true enough however it is because chemo has not been shown to have any effect on the cancer I have so it is one thing out of the arsenal that I do NOT have to fight with so really it is not really good at all.
DebbieWWGN (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 07 / 05 / 2011
When I went back to the breast center for my first mammogram after my mastectomy, it was very emotional to be facing another mammogram. It didn't help that the technician told me that I really didn't have cancer (I had Stage 0 DCIS) and that she had some relative who had what I did and got a mastectomy so she didn't have to think about it anymore. Did she really think I was sitting there not thinking about it? How could someone who worked in a breast center be so insensitive?
ICAMCancerCenter (Organization (Verified) ) - 07 / 07 / 2011
I guess we're all only human. The word itself 'cancer' has been so maligned and also the disease itself is so very much misunderstood. The complexities of the cancer condition exasperates even the most pioneering & respected medical professionals... how are we, as a society, supposed to deal with this confrontation? Compassion is the key; however, shock can be the very first emotional response - and so, at times, we may say the wrong thing.
I know myself, when my father (and mother) actually passed on, the responses and reactions from friends was at times almost hurtful - but I now realize that THEY too were hurting - they just didn't know what to say to us - it was their pain as well as ours. For example, I don't know what I would say to my best friend if she had a diagnosis of cancer... sincerely. Even in my profession, the pain for me would be overwhelming; and although I could advise her professionally, what would I say to her on a personal level as my first gut-reaction? It's daunting. God keep her safe.
Forgiveness goes a long way. Not one of us is perfect, and I believe in my heart that people don't go out of their way to say stupid or nasty things - they simply convey instinct, and often times, their instinct is also a projection of their own lives and what they have been through themselves.
God keep you all blessed and safe.
With much respect,
Gabriella.
I know myself, when my father (and mother) actually passed on, the responses and reactions from friends was at times almost hurtful - but I now realize that THEY too were hurting - they just didn't know what to say to us - it was their pain as well as ours. For example, I don't know what I would say to my best friend if she had a diagnosis of cancer... sincerely. Even in my profession, the pain for me would be overwhelming; and although I could advise her professionally, what would I say to her on a personal level as my first gut-reaction? It's daunting. God keep her safe.
Forgiveness goes a long way. Not one of us is perfect, and I believe in my heart that people don't go out of their way to say stupid or nasty things - they simply convey instinct, and often times, their instinct is also a projection of their own lives and what they have been through themselves.
God keep you all blessed and safe.
With much respect,
Gabriella.
member5598 (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 07 / 08 / 2011
I find people do not mean to say "dumb" or "stupid" things. They are unsure of what to say so in that moment no matter what they try to say it always comes out NOT like they wanted. In the end you are not happy and they are so embarrassed they just want to hide. I have learned to take the unwanted statements with a grain of salt. I find in most cases people mean well.:)
member1398 (Current Patient) - 07 / 08 / 2011
"If anyone had to get this it should have been you because you're so strong. I just couldn't do it myself"
member2503 (Survivor (5 - 10 years)) - 07 / 08 / 2011
"At least you got the sexy cancer" Yeah, it was real sexy!
member9444 (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 08 / 03 / 2011
"That's great that you're cured now."
If you have had breast cancer like me - you know why that's annoying.
If you have had breast cancer like me - you know why that's annoying.
member3258 (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 08 / 08 / 2011
"If you die, I'll raise your kids for you."
member4039 (Survivor (5 - 10 years)) - 09 / 21 / 2011
Boob Job, check
Good cancer, check
You're so strong, check
Everything happens for a reason, check
and the variations of the others:
"OMG are you ok?" (right after I was dx'd)... yeah, I'm getting dressed for the Cinderella ball.
"you don't have cancer anymore" (THAT was my "spouse" from whom I am currently separated)
"you had such a mild chemo" (same person-trying to talk me OUT of cognitive issues)
"some day you will know what the reason is" (sometimes this is true as my mom's bc dx in 87 saved her life-she had lymph nodes involved and they were scanning her liver. they happened to see a mass in her kidney which was a PRIMARY renal cancer which would have gone undiagnosed until it would have been a BIG problem)
"you're lucky you didn't lose your hair" (yeah, because not even being able to get out of the infusion suite without hurling was so great... but yes, I AM lucky I didn't lose my hair)
People are not malicious (most of them and yes that is a bit of a dig-see mild chemo and no more cancer remarks) but they truly do not know how to act. They don't understand sometimes it's best to say, "What can I do?" or "Do you feel like talking?" or "would you like company?" (and come armed with a silly movie dvd just in case we feel like laughing). And, if we are withdrawn, how about leaving us alone but NOT for too long before checking back in. Sometimes, we need to have the wall scaled to pull us up. But it's a gentle balance. And, most people can't do that because the only people who understand TRULY are those who have been there!!!
This one made me laugh! Thanks!!!
Good cancer, check
You're so strong, check
Everything happens for a reason, check
and the variations of the others:
"OMG are you ok?" (right after I was dx'd)... yeah, I'm getting dressed for the Cinderella ball.
"you don't have cancer anymore" (THAT was my "spouse" from whom I am currently separated)
"you had such a mild chemo" (same person-trying to talk me OUT of cognitive issues)
"some day you will know what the reason is" (sometimes this is true as my mom's bc dx in 87 saved her life-she had lymph nodes involved and they were scanning her liver. they happened to see a mass in her kidney which was a PRIMARY renal cancer which would have gone undiagnosed until it would have been a BIG problem)
"you're lucky you didn't lose your hair" (yeah, because not even being able to get out of the infusion suite without hurling was so great... but yes, I AM lucky I didn't lose my hair)
People are not malicious (most of them and yes that is a bit of a dig-see mild chemo and no more cancer remarks) but they truly do not know how to act. They don't understand sometimes it's best to say, "What can I do?" or "Do you feel like talking?" or "would you like company?" (and come armed with a silly movie dvd just in case we feel like laughing). And, if we are withdrawn, how about leaving us alone but NOT for too long before checking back in. Sometimes, we need to have the wall scaled to pull us up. But it's a gentle balance. And, most people can't do that because the only people who understand TRULY are those who have been there!!!
This one made me laugh! Thanks!!!
member6698 (Current Patient) - 09 / 28 / 2011
WOW ... I've heard every single one of these remarks and I've only been diagnosed for a month now. There is one comment I didn't see here so how is this one???
Have your doctor put titty tassels on you while you're in there
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm .... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
She was kidding and we did laugh. I know that most of the statements made to me were "nervous" statements. I think we all know situations where we just can't come up with the right words to say. I feel sorry for my friends/family they have been thrown into a whirl wind tunnel with me and can't stop it from spinning! so..I basically put myself in their shoes because I may be the one who says something that may seem insensitive but was meant only to try to bring some laughter into that person's life.
Have faith.
Have your doctor put titty tassels on you while you're in there
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm .... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
She was kidding and we did laugh. I know that most of the statements made to me were "nervous" statements. I think we all know situations where we just can't come up with the right words to say. I feel sorry for my friends/family they have been thrown into a whirl wind tunnel with me and can't stop it from spinning! so..I basically put myself in their shoes because I may be the one who says something that may seem insensitive but was meant only to try to bring some laughter into that person's life.
Have faith.
DeeAnne_Barker (Current Patient) - 02 / 14 / 2012
Just the other day, a woman in my chiropractor's office said to me after overhearing that I was just diagnosed with breastcancer and had just had a double mastectomy: "Well, you can forget about the breast cancer because there are so many good things for that. What you really need to worry about NOW is this (pointing to and circling her pointer finger over her ovaries)! Shouldn't you to take those out too? There's a test for that you know"
Silence.... with the 'Are you Kidding me?' stare.....
"Well, for now, I think I'll just concentrate on my recovery from breast cancer, a double mastectomy and the beginning stages of breast reconstruction. And yes, I had THAT test and am BRCA 1 & 2 negative, ER/PR positive and lymph node negative and Oncotype DX test recurrence score 22"
Silence....on her part.
"So, if you'll excuse me now..."
Silence.... with the 'Are you Kidding me?' stare.....
"Well, for now, I think I'll just concentrate on my recovery from breast cancer, a double mastectomy and the beginning stages of breast reconstruction. And yes, I had THAT test and am BRCA 1 & 2 negative, ER/PR positive and lymph node negative and Oncotype DX test recurrence score 22"
Silence....on her part.
"So, if you'll excuse me now..."
member4882 (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 09 / 20 / 2011
For some reason NUMEROUS people, upon hearing of my diagnosis, felt I should hear about their friend, parent, or neighbor who passed from breast cancer. Thankfully being a nurse, I know cancer is a word, not a sentence. Still, it did little for my morale.
Note: Usernames have been made anonymous and profile images are not shown to protect the privacy of our members.
Note: All content on this site is informational and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with questions regarding your health.
Thank you for flagging this content. We will look into it right away.
Add Answer
Question:
Optional: What context or background information is relevant to this request?
Notes:
The more clear and thorough your request, the more likely you will receive support.
Many of our members are learning from this information or english might not be their first language. Please use standard english and spell out all words. For example, use 'you' instead of 'u'.
The more clear and thorough your request, the more likely you will receive support.
Many of our members are learning from this information or english might not be their first language. Please use standard english and spell out all words. For example, use 'you' instead of 'u'.
Share Conversation
To tell people about this conversation, type their email addresses here (separated by commas):
From:
Add a personal note here:
Cancer questions and answers.
Personalized, helpful, and accurate health answers.
Question Statistics
Latest Activity: 02 / 14 / 2012
Views: 1282
Followed By: 15 members
Follow-up Questions
Breast Surgery
(Mon., May. 21st)
Sean Canale, MD
Ask Questions Now!
Breast Cancer Oncology
(Tues., May, 22nd)
Antonio Wolff, MD
Ask Questions Now!
Breast Reconstruction
(Wed., May 23rd)
Josh Levine, MD
Ask Questions Now!
Colorectal Surgery
(Thurs., May 24th)
Amy Halverson, MD
Ask Questions Now!
Urologic Oncology
(Fri., May 25th)
Ashish Kamat, MD
Ask Questions Now!
More workshops
Call SHARE at: 866-891-2392
to speak directly to a trained breast cancer survivor for support and guidance.
3 Quick Ways You Can Help
1) Spread the word! Tell people you think might want some support. Tell medical professionals, health providers, and organizations.
2) Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!
3) Volunteer - email us at volunteer@talkabouthealth.com for more information.
More Ways To Help!
Find us on Facebook and Twitter
Newsletter |
Blog |
Faq |
Contact Us |
About Us |
Privacy Policy |
Terms of Service
© 2010, 2012
