Survivorship Tips

Yes, everyone I've spoken with has a similar experience with chemo. I found that I could not concentrate and therefore reading was useless. Too bad, I love to read and learn - its exciting to learn by reading. Eating was not so hot either, my tasting ability was gone along with my appetite. So I ended up watching the clock tick, went for long slow walks. I improved physically as my body acclimated to the chemo. Then, I became much more active - reading, watching tv, walking, talking on the phone, checking out the internet, writing letters, and more. Getting by is definitely what you do. I did not try to attend everything with my girls. We would talk about what do you want Mom to be at and what can you go to with a friend. I took a lot of naps. We planned the meals for the week and ate really simple to prepare meals. Raw carrots and apples were a staple. Buy the cut up fruit or have a neighbor come wash and cut up your fruits and veggies for you. My husband did a lot of the cooking. To build strength, try to do a little bit more. At first I could not even walk around the block. So I would just go to the end of the driveway. I was in physical therapy for my arm and shoulder. The chemo messes with all your muscles. Try to move all your different muscle groups, even if you are lying down. Point and flex your toes 10 times, Raise and lower your arms 10 times, flex and relax your gluts, then your stomach. If you are watching TV, do a few reps of something during the ads. Drink a lot of water!

Give yourself lots of extra time. It took tons of energy to shower and get dressed. So I would get ready and then rest on the couch near the kitchen for 20 minutes. I could answer questions from everyone but not be tempted to do stuff for them. I did the same thing after school. I would be on the couch in the room that my girls play in. They would bring me a drink and I could help with homework or sign papers or talk. But I did not get up if I could avoid it. If someone else can do what you need done, then ask someone to do it. Only do what is important to you and will help you get better.

I would start a task and not be able to finish it. This gets really frustrating. And my husband would get frustrated at the mess I made that he had to clean up or finish. I had to acknowledge how weak I was and learn to ask for help and let go of things that do not really matter. Your priorities will change and your standards of what is acceptable. Decide what is important to you and let the rest go. You will get stronger but it is a very gradual process.

I don't know if that fear ever totally goes away. I am four years post chemo and almost five years post mastectomy. In the span of a month (recently), I had myself in the internet pine box. Every weird episode and every ache and pain that is in a potential "mets" spot and I still have to talk myself off the ledge. I do believe it's definitely a form of PTSD and although it might get better, a cancer dx changes you and it changes you forever.

I found yoga about a year ago, too. That has helped. Pushing the thought out of your head isn't going to do the trick. At least it doesn't do it for me. I have to process the fear in the moment I am feeling it. Even if I KNOW I'm being completely irrational and illogical, feelings are just that. FEELINGS.. and the worst thing, for me, is to attempt to diminish the feeling. Or ignore it. I found when I do that, the damn thing takes on a life of its own and definitely becomes worse than ever and the fear is suddenly larger than life.

If I can't shake the fear and I realize I'm being a bit over the top, I will do things like blast a "feel good song" .... go grab a glass of water.... walk outside if it's a nice enough day..... sit on the yoga mat and do some gentle stretches.... And, honestly, if I can't get myself recentered, I use the anxiety medication. Fortunately, I don't have to use it frequently but if it's necessary, I will take something.

The fact that you are still experiencing pain isn't helping the situation. The pain in itself is a constant reminder so it's not difficult to just make that mental leap. I think as the pain subsides and it's less "in your face" these frightening feelings will become more manageable and will occur less frequently.

Yes, it does take time and it helps if you have a buddy (one buddy) who can help talk you off the ledge. I have a girlfriend who (last month) said, "you need an MRI" (I swore I had brain mets because of two unexplained falls in a 90 minute period of time). When I told her that I was NOT doing that, she switched gears and calmed me down. (She did monitor my "are you falling" in her own sneaky way for the next several weeks...) ....

Talking helps. I hope you keep reaching out. Coming here and just asking the question is a great step in a good direction.

All the best,
AnneMarie As a speaker, I often talk about the power of fear in our lives. Between my first and second diagnoses, I had a health scare that led me to believe that the cancer had spread and I knew if it had, I was in real trouble. My fear wasn’t dying but leaving my then 14-year-old daughter alone in this world to fend for herself. It was my absolute worst fear and one that, at the time, was too horrific to even wrap my mind around.
With the help of a counselor, I was able to actually face that fear and by doing so, I took away its’ power. You need to ask yourself, what if your cancer does come back? What does that mean for you? What will you do? Are you fearful of dying? Are you fearful of leaving your family? What other things about a second diagnosis scares you? Do you think you are strong enough to fight it? All these questions and a hundred more will surface.
When you have identified your fears, you must look at each one of those and break it down. For example, I was afraid to leave my daughter behind. I had told myself that because I had been a single mom and it had been just the two of us for so long, she wouldn’t make it without me. What I learned by looking at the fear closer and being more realistic about it, was that she had an excellent support system in place. I had a life insurance policy which would get her through college and then some. She still would have a great father and step-mother as well as extended family around to get her through the rough times. She was an outgoing child, so even though she might have to relocate, she would make new friends easily and most importantly, I knew I had already given her the foundation for which she could build the rest of her life. I knew there would be times in her life, during those monumental moments like graduation, marriage, her first child, that she would miss me and wish I were there, but I also understood that she would get through it, like countless others have. When I got to the other side of all the fear, it was clear that she would, indeed, be able to make it without me and there was now a plan in place, i.e. she would move in with her father; her extended family would surround her; and I put a trust together for her care.
Although, the process was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was also the most liberating because it taught me that fear isn’t real. The fear lost its’ power and I wasn’t scared anymore.
If you can ask yourself the questions above and answer them pragmatically, without the fear, the same will happen for you. There will be a plan in place and if you have to face cancer again, you will already have a roadmap for how to deal with it in place.
Let’s look at the big one. “What if I get cancer again?” Okay, what is the first thing you will do? My answer would be: Get a second opinion. “What if the second opinion says I have it?” My answer is: Then I will get my support system in place and I will begin to work with my doctor to decide my best option of care. “What if it is worse than before?” My answer is: I am a strong person and I have been through this before, so I know that I must take it one day at a time and do whatever I can to take care of myself the best I can.
This is the process you go through and it is so important to do so, because if you don’t, you could end up making some of your healthcare decisions based on fear instead of what is best for you. I truly believe anything you do out of fear will be the wrong thing.
I hope this has been helpful and I hope that by going through this process you can put your fear behind you. I think you will find that once you have done this, you will feel more empowered than you ever have.

Love this! I feel like I should print it out and slide it into my journal for my upcoming trip. The phrases...don't let yourself panic and do the hard things first are really resonating with me today. Thank you Brenda. I've learned survivorship skills from most everyone I've ever met. They include:

1. Don't take NO for an answer. No today, doesn't mean no tomorrow.
2. It takes as much trouble to do nothing as to do something, so just do it!
3. If you plan for worse case, everything else you've got covered.
4. There's always someone who's worse off than you are.
5. Be a glass half-full, not a glass half-empty.
6. Act in your own best interest unless it hurts someone else, & even then, there may not be a choice.
7. Don't let yourself panic because it feeds on itself & it's harder to pull yourself back to neutral.
8. Do the hard things first.
9. Never underestimate yourself.
10. Act, don't react, and do it in a timely manner.
11. Don't wait until things are perfect or you may never do it. You can generallly tweak things in later.
12. Ask for help.
13. Surrender to God and pray for His guidance.
14. Even though you may not WANT to do it, it may be the RIGHT thing to do.
15. Role reverse. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
16. Don't promise more than you can deliver.
17. Respect yourself with everything you do.

There is no going back after a cancer diagnosis. That's my opinion. I fight cancer every moment of my life with a very strict diet (Although I would say it's delicious, diverse and more how humans used to eat), exercise, good sleep and dealing with stress in a healthy way. I am ever mindful of my risk for cancer having the MYH gene pair defect for colon cancer.

Being able to thwart cancer despite my genetics proves to me that cancer is curable with diet. I am very planful with my eating and prepare to take my own food when I travel or even go over to friends. People (and restaurants) are very willing to accommodate me and I have found that many friends are now changing their diets. Bottom line: my life is very different after cancer and I feel its better by far. There is no going back after a cancer diagnosis. That's my opinion. I fight cancer every moment of my life with a very strict diet (Although I would say it's delicious, diverse and more how humans used to eat), exercise, good sleep and dealing with stress in a healthy way. I am ever mindful of my risk for cancer having the MYH gene pair defect for colon cancer.

Being able to thwart cancer despite my genetics proves to me that cancer is curable with diet. I am very planful with my eating and prepare to take my own food when I travel or even go over to friends. People (and restaurants) are very willing to accommodate me and I have found that many friends are now changing their diets. Bottom line: my life is very different after cancer and I feel its better by far.