Survivor

It can be difficult to make someone confront their stress and anxiety. I recommend that you share your concern with them, but be sure not to push too hard. You might say, “I’m worried about you. You seem very stressed out, is there anything I can do to help?” If they aren’t open to admitting it or discussing it, you might try to help reduce their stressors. Make sure to give them time to relax, try not to place too many demands on them, and make them feel comfortable confiding in you. You might also invite them to do stress reducing activities with you—like going for walks. If they sense that you are pushing it though, they will feel less inclined to speak to you about it. If there is a friend or family member that this person may feel more comfortable talking to you might try to connect them with that person. Keep in mind that when we don’t acknowledge something about ourselves it is because we are not ready. You can’t make someone ready to acknowledge a problem or to deal with it. In the meantime, if the situation is causing you stress, you might focus on managing your own stress about it. It can be difficult to make someone confront their stress and anxiety. I recommend that you share your concern with them, but be sure not to push too hard. You might say, “I’m worried about you. You seem very stressed out, is there anything I can do to help?” If they aren’t open to admitting it or discussing it, you might try to help reduce their stressors. Make sure to give them time to relax, try not to place too many demands on them, and make them feel comfortable confiding in you. You might also invite them to do stress reducing activities with you—like going for walks. If they sense that you are pushing it though, they will feel less inclined to speak to you about it. If there is a friend or family member that this person may feel more comfortable talking to you might try to connect them with that person. Keep in mind that when we don’t acknowledge something about ourselves it is because we are not ready. You can’t make someone ready to acknowledge a problem or to deal with it. In the meantime, if the situation is causing you stress, you might focus on managing your own stress about it.

Typically under age 35, but some use the pre vs. post meopausal status as a marker to call a woman "young". The Young Survivor's Coalition serves women under the age of 35 and Tiger Lily Foundation, ages 40 and under. I hope this helps answer your question. Typically under age 35, but some use the pre vs. post meopausal status as a marker to call a woman "young". The Young Survivor's Coalition serves women under the age of 35 and Tiger Lily Foundation, ages 40 and under. I hope this helps answer your question.

I wish that I would have known other people like this community to help me through the several shocks I had at dx, during tx and how to deal with the aftermath. I wish I had an idea how it would affect the lives of my children and know howto better prepare them. It is so sad to see my daugther, now 5 remembering my hospital stays and make me promise each time I go to the doctor that I wouldn't stay there and come back to sleep at home. I wish I had known that radiation of the breast will affect what kind of reconstruction I can have on that side. I might have opted for a mastectomy so that I could get a saline implant on that side rather than having to have a TRAM-flap reconstruction.

I am a 9 year survivor of Melanoma. I don't care what anyone says, the knowledge that you had cancer is always in the back of your mind. When confronted, yet again, with a friend, loved one, whatever newly diagnosed person, it brings the knowledge of your own cancer right to the front of the mind! I have found that along with the recommendations of Dr. Attai, that helping the newly diagnosed person is terrifically helpful in assuaging any of my own concerns of a re-occurance of my cancer. Depending on my relationship with the person before their diagnosis, I "get involved". That can mean anything from a phone call that lets them know I understand somewhat what they are going through + an offer to answer any questions or concerns that I can to really getting involved by taking them to treatment, doc, office, appts. I remember that of all the people who drove me back and forth to the infusion center and stayed with me, the ones that were the most helpful and who "got it" were the ones who had been through it themselves. The Cancer Club, I have found, is no club anyone wants to join, but once eligable, the membership is incredibly helpful, empathetic, supportive, and knowledgable. That's a great question. We used to focus on the "magic" 5-year or 10-year mark, and I think we did women a disservice. The risk of recurrence decreases the longer out you are from treatment, but there is always a risk of a new cancer developing, breast or elsewhere. Follow up recommendations will vary depending on the type of cancer, age of the patient, and other factors.

For breast cancer in general for long-term survivors, I recommend an annual clinical exam with your physician, as well as annual imaging (mammogram and possibly MRI depending on breast density and age). In addition, women who have been treated for breast cancer have a slightly higher risk of both colon and ovarian cancer, even if they do not test positive for a BRCA gene mutation, so regular gynecologic checkups and colonoscopy are also recommended.

In addition, I do recommend that women (and men) who have been treated for cancer take general good care of themselves! Maintaining a healthy weight, following a good balanced diet with moderation in alcohol intake, and obtaining regular exercise will not only help reduce the risk of other cancers developing, but these lifestyle factors will help reduce the risk of heart disease, which is actually more lethal for women than breast cancer. Also don't underestimate the role of chronic stress as a contributing factor to all disease states, so I do recommend that most patients try to incorporate some stress-reduction techniques into their daily routine. These last recommendations are not very high-tech, but can certainly be quite effective!

I suggest that you see your breast specialist (surgeon) to have the area assessed. The lumps could likely be related to scar tissue, but you always want to err on the side of caution and make sure they are not a recurrance.
As for the underam arm ache...
Make sure you have full range of motion in that arm if it is the one where your lymph nodes where removed. Likely it is scar tissue or something like that but you should see a healthcare provider to determine if there could be other causes for this aching.
Thanks,
Heather I suggest that you see your breast specialist (surgeon) to have the area assessed. The lumps could likely be related to scar tissue, but you always want to err on the side of caution and make sure they are not a recurrance.
As for the underam arm ache...
Make sure you have full range of motion in that arm if it is the one where your lymph nodes where removed. Likely it is scar tissue or something like that but you should see a healthcare provider to determine if there could be other causes for this aching.
Thanks,
Heather

This question really resonates. I find we are surrounded by expectations that now that we are out of active treatment (not counting Tamoxifen) we are able to "move on"and that the cancer episode is over.

Firstly I guess we have to validate our own feelings, particularly if we are living without relapse (to date). There is a huge difference between "cured" and "no relapse" - the reality is that no recurrence is not the same as a cure. The difference is probably far more subtle if cancer has not touched your life. I know I can speak from my own pre-cancer lack of knowledge and understanding and would never have seen the difference. We need to be clear in our own minds about the rationale of why we are afraid. We should also acknowledge the emotional and psychological toll of a breast cancer diagnosis and its after effects. It is real and it is valid.

All too often, however, it is hard to convey this message to those around us. And I am sure they fatigue of hearing us talk about cancer. It probably also brings a discomfort; those around us have been confronted with the possibility and fear that we could die when first diagnosed. It is natural to put that to the background where there is no immediacy of active treatment. I can understand and respect that.

So that brings us to the fact that with the breast cancer community we have a space where we can talk openly about our fears, concerns, successes. We can laugh and cry together about what often appears superficial or "too much information" in a non breast cancer context. I remember very detailed discussions about chemo side effects, laughing and agonising about constipation and other chemo induced delights!

A key benefit of remaining part of the breast cancer community is that those in the community "get it" when we vent or share. For example, if we have a worrisome sign then sharing with a fellow breast cancer friend brings responses which both validate our worries and offer wishes for it not to be sinister and unconditional support for us to vent. Similarly, our mixed feelings and emotional exhaustion are understood at times of good results when there is otherwise an expectation for us to be leaping with joy. And what may seem tiny steps forward, our fellow breast cancer friends understand as giant leaps of progress.

A further benefit is that there is a lively and passionate debate about the issues surrounding breast cancer. Look at the variety of blog posts and articles discussing Breast Cancer Awareness Month and commercialisation of the pink ribbon.

So there are considerable benefits and opportunities for us to engage in the breast cancer community. If we want to, that is. It is very much an individual choice about the level of engagement with the breast cancer community. It is also something which can fluctuate over time too, depending on where we are emotionally and physically. They key is that we must respect the choices others make. For instance, a close friend of mine deliberately disengages from breast cancer discussions and activities. She prefers to remain private and finds it unhelpful to have a constant reminder of breast cancer. That is what works for her and I totally respect that.

As a final observation, I think it is important to recognise how much access we have nowadays to support thanks to the internet. Even 5 years ago my breast cancer experience would have been very different, and I believe it would have been much more difficult. I am inordinately thankful for that and for the worldwide support I have. This question really resonates. I find we are surrounded by expectations that now that we are out of active treatment (not counting Tamoxifen) we are able to "move on"and that the cancer episode is over.

Firstly I guess we have to validate our own feelings, particularly if we are living without relapse (to date). There is a huge difference between "cured" and "no relapse" - the reality is that no recurrence is not the same as a cure. The difference is probably far more subtle if cancer has not touched your life. I know I can speak from my own pre-cancer lack of knowledge and understanding and would never have seen the difference. We need to be clear in our own minds about the rationale of why we are afraid. We should also acknowledge the emotional and psychological toll of a breast cancer diagnosis and its after effects. It is real and it is valid.

All too often, however, it is hard to convey this message to those around us. And I am sure they fatigue of hearing us talk about cancer. It probably also brings a discomfort; those around us have been confronted with the possibility and fear that we could die when first diagnosed. It is natural to put that to the background where there is no immediacy of active treatment. I can understand and respect that.

So that brings us to the fact that with the breast cancer community we have a space where we can talk openly about our fears, concerns, successes. We can laugh and cry together about what often appears superficial or "too much information" in a non breast cancer context. I remember very detailed discussions about chemo side effects, laughing and agonising about constipation and other chemo induced delights!

A key benefit of remaining part of the breast cancer community is that those in the community "get it" when we vent or share. For example, if we have a worrisome sign then sharing with a fellow breast cancer friend brings responses which both validate our worries and offer wishes for it not to be sinister and unconditional support for us to vent. Similarly, our mixed feelings and emotional exhaustion are understood at times of good results when there is otherwise an expectation for us to be leaping with joy. And what may seem tiny steps forward, our fellow breast cancer friends understand as giant leaps of progress.

A further benefit is that there is a lively and passionate debate about the issues surrounding breast cancer. Look at the variety of blog posts and articles discussing Breast Cancer Awareness Month and commercialisation of the pink ribbon.

So there are considerable benefits and opportunities for us to engage in the breast cancer community. If we want to, that is. It is very much an individual choice about the level of engagement with the breast cancer community. It is also something which can fluctuate over time too, depending on where we are emotionally and physically. They key is that we must respect the choices others make. For instance, a close friend of mine deliberately disengages from breast cancer discussions and activities. She prefers to remain private and finds it unhelpful to have a constant reminder of breast cancer. That is what works for her and I totally respect that.

As a final observation, I think it is important to recognise how much access we have nowadays to support thanks to the internet. Even 5 years ago my breast cancer experience would have been very different, and I believe it would have been much more difficult. I am inordinately thankful for that and for the worldwide support I have.

I am a sponge for knowledge, so I love when I hear new developments in cancer care, and I also appreciate hearing the stories of others facing the same challenges as I am. Swapping stories and information is empowering, reassuring and thus very valuable.

I am a sponge for knowledge, so I love when I hear new developments in cancer care, and I also appreciate hearing the stories of others facing the same challenges as I am. Swapping stories and information is empowering, reassuring and thus very valuable.

I don't know if that fear ever totally goes away. I am four years post chemo and almost five years post mastectomy. In the span of a month (recently), I had myself in the internet pine box. Every weird episode and every ache and pain that is in a potential "mets" spot and I still have to talk myself off the ledge. I do believe it's definitely a form of PTSD and although it might get better, a cancer dx changes you and it changes you forever.

I found yoga about a year ago, too. That has helped. Pushing the thought out of your head isn't going to do the trick. At least it doesn't do it for me. I have to process the fear in the moment I am feeling it. Even if I KNOW I'm being completely irrational and illogical, feelings are just that. FEELINGS.. and the worst thing, for me, is to attempt to diminish the feeling. Or ignore it. I found when I do that, the damn thing takes on a life of its own and definitely becomes worse than ever and the fear is suddenly larger than life.

If I can't shake the fear and I realize I'm being a bit over the top, I will do things like blast a "feel good song" .... go grab a glass of water.... walk outside if it's a nice enough day..... sit on the yoga mat and do some gentle stretches.... And, honestly, if I can't get myself recentered, I use the anxiety medication. Fortunately, I don't have to use it frequently but if it's necessary, I will take something.

The fact that you are still experiencing pain isn't helping the situation. The pain in itself is a constant reminder so it's not difficult to just make that mental leap. I think as the pain subsides and it's less "in your face" these frightening feelings will become more manageable and will occur less frequently.

Yes, it does take time and it helps if you have a buddy (one buddy) who can help talk you off the ledge. I have a girlfriend who (last month) said, "you need an MRI" (I swore I had brain mets because of two unexplained falls in a 90 minute period of time). When I told her that I was NOT doing that, she switched gears and calmed me down. (She did monitor my "are you falling" in her own sneaky way for the next several weeks...) ....

Talking helps. I hope you keep reaching out. Coming here and just asking the question is a great step in a good direction.

All the best,
AnneMarie As a speaker, I often talk about the power of fear in our lives. Between my first and second diagnoses, I had a health scare that led me to believe that the cancer had spread and I knew if it had, I was in real trouble. My fear wasn’t dying but leaving my then 14-year-old daughter alone in this world to fend for herself. It was my absolute worst fear and one that, at the time, was too horrific to even wrap my mind around.
With the help of a counselor, I was able to actually face that fear and by doing so, I took away its’ power. You need to ask yourself, what if your cancer does come back? What does that mean for you? What will you do? Are you fearful of dying? Are you fearful of leaving your family? What other things about a second diagnosis scares you? Do you think you are strong enough to fight it? All these questions and a hundred more will surface.
When you have identified your fears, you must look at each one of those and break it down. For example, I was afraid to leave my daughter behind. I had told myself that because I had been a single mom and it had been just the two of us for so long, she wouldn’t make it without me. What I learned by looking at the fear closer and being more realistic about it, was that she had an excellent support system in place. I had a life insurance policy which would get her through college and then some. She still would have a great father and step-mother as well as extended family around to get her through the rough times. She was an outgoing child, so even though she might have to relocate, she would make new friends easily and most importantly, I knew I had already given her the foundation for which she could build the rest of her life. I knew there would be times in her life, during those monumental moments like graduation, marriage, her first child, that she would miss me and wish I were there, but I also understood that she would get through it, like countless others have. When I got to the other side of all the fear, it was clear that she would, indeed, be able to make it without me and there was now a plan in place, i.e. she would move in with her father; her extended family would surround her; and I put a trust together for her care.
Although, the process was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was also the most liberating because it taught me that fear isn’t real. The fear lost its’ power and I wasn’t scared anymore.
If you can ask yourself the questions above and answer them pragmatically, without the fear, the same will happen for you. There will be a plan in place and if you have to face cancer again, you will already have a roadmap for how to deal with it in place.
Let’s look at the big one. “What if I get cancer again?” Okay, what is the first thing you will do? My answer would be: Get a second opinion. “What if the second opinion says I have it?” My answer is: Then I will get my support system in place and I will begin to work with my doctor to decide my best option of care. “What if it is worse than before?” My answer is: I am a strong person and I have been through this before, so I know that I must take it one day at a time and do whatever I can to take care of myself the best I can.
This is the process you go through and it is so important to do so, because if you don’t, you could end up making some of your healthcare decisions based on fear instead of what is best for you. I truly believe anything you do out of fear will be the wrong thing.
I hope this has been helpful and I hope that by going through this process you can put your fear behind you. I think you will find that once you have done this, you will feel more empowered than you ever have.

Love this! I feel like I should print it out and slide it into my journal for my upcoming trip. The phrases...don't let yourself panic and do the hard things first are really resonating with me today. Thank you Brenda. I've learned survivorship skills from most everyone I've ever met. They include:

1. Don't take NO for an answer. No today, doesn't mean no tomorrow.
2. It takes as much trouble to do nothing as to do something, so just do it!
3. If you plan for worse case, everything else you've got covered.
4. There's always someone who's worse off than you are.
5. Be a glass half-full, not a glass half-empty.
6. Act in your own best interest unless it hurts someone else, & even then, there may not be a choice.
7. Don't let yourself panic because it feeds on itself & it's harder to pull yourself back to neutral.
8. Do the hard things first.
9. Never underestimate yourself.
10. Act, don't react, and do it in a timely manner.
11. Don't wait until things are perfect or you may never do it. You can generallly tweak things in later.
12. Ask for help.
13. Surrender to God and pray for His guidance.
14. Even though you may not WANT to do it, it may be the RIGHT thing to do.
15. Role reverse. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
16. Don't promise more than you can deliver.
17. Respect yourself with everything you do.

Whether you use the term survivor, warrior, or some other descriptor, your cancer experience is no less "real" than someone diagnosed in a more advanced stage. When you hear the word cancer, and they're talking about you, the fears, concerns, and emotional ups and downs are no different regardless of the stage at diagnosis. It is a confusing diagnosis. Some would argue it's not "real" cancer since it hasn't spread (yet)--my running joke with my oncologist was "It's close enough! Someone sign me up for the fake mastectomy!" At first I didn't think I had earned the right to call myself a survivor since I wasn't in a fight for my life. Then I realized my experience counts for something, and as I mentioned elsewhere, no one with advanced cancer has ever made me feel like I had a lesser version. Talking to others who have been through it helped a lot too. I talked to a friend who had had early-stage cancer (not stage 0) and she said she felt the same way and she thinks it's normal for it to take awhile to consider ourselves survivors. Just hearing that helped a lot.

There is no going back after a cancer diagnosis. That's my opinion. I fight cancer every moment of my life with a very strict diet (Although I would say it's delicious, diverse and more how humans used to eat), exercise, good sleep and dealing with stress in a healthy way. I am ever mindful of my risk for cancer having the MYH gene pair defect for colon cancer.

Being able to thwart cancer despite my genetics proves to me that cancer is curable with diet. I am very planful with my eating and prepare to take my own food when I travel or even go over to friends. People (and restaurants) are very willing to accommodate me and I have found that many friends are now changing their diets. Bottom line: my life is very different after cancer and I feel its better by far. There is no going back after a cancer diagnosis. That's my opinion. I fight cancer every moment of my life with a very strict diet (Although I would say it's delicious, diverse and more how humans used to eat), exercise, good sleep and dealing with stress in a healthy way. I am ever mindful of my risk for cancer having the MYH gene pair defect for colon cancer.

Being able to thwart cancer despite my genetics proves to me that cancer is curable with diet. I am very planful with my eating and prepare to take my own food when I travel or even go over to friends. People (and restaurants) are very willing to accommodate me and I have found that many friends are now changing their diets. Bottom line: my life is very different after cancer and I feel its better by far.

When a world class athlete or professional team sets major goals, they sit down with their coach and create a plan to achieve that goal. The coach sees the athlete for their highest potential and inspires them to begin to live that potential.

Together the athlete and the coach generate a training program to tap into existing gifts and talents and also build muscles in areas that require strengthening to achieve the goals.

When the athlete plateaus, hits a wall or momentarily loses confidence in themselves, the coach is there to support, encourage and remind the athlete who they REALLY are and what they are truly capable of.

Cancer Survivorship coaching is a revolutionary approach to working through the major challenges experienced when cancer touches your life. We define a clear picture of where you are stuck, stopped or blocked and what is holding you back from having the energy and ability to thrive.

How you view the experience can have a powerful effect on your energy level, outlook and your ability to harness the resources you need to heal and navigate the "new normal". You may not be able to change the circumstances of your cancer but you can shift how you choose to go through the experience.

For survivors who are newly diagnosed, coaching can help you overcome the sense of overwhelm and generate a plan to manage major decisions, build your support team and be empowered to take charge of your healing journey. It is also a great way to keep some balance.

It's not uncommon for the medical concerns to override all else and significantly impact quality of life and your primary relationships. Coaching helps identify potential pitfalls like this and supports you to design actions to generate a different outcome.

For post-treatment survivors, both those newly out of treatment and those years beyond who find themselves still dealing with after effects, coaching is a way to take your life back. It helps you build a bridge from where you are to where you want to be.

The experience of cancer often creates new priorities and goals for survivors. Sometimes this can leave you in a place of needing to redefine yourself. Coaching helps you to identify your core values, what you are truly committed to and how you want to invest your energy in alignment with that which matters most to you. When you do THAT you can't help but uncover a hidden source of energy and inspiration. You can read more about cancer survivorship coaching on my website at http://www.cancersurvivorshipcoaching.com or on my guest post "You Have a Cancer What?!"at http://bit.ly/g9gMnR. Of course, I'm happy to answer any further questions here on this site!


When a world class athlete or professional team sets major goals, they sit down with their coach and create a plan to achieve that goal. The coach sees the athlete for their highest potential and inspires them to begin to live that potential.

Together the athlete and the coach generate a training program to tap into existing gifts and talents and also build muscles in areas that require strengthening to achieve the goals.

When the athlete plateaus, hits a wall or momentarily loses confidence in themselves, the coach is there to support, encourage and remind the athlete who they REALLY are and what they are truly capable of.

Cancer Survivorship coaching is a revolutionary approach to working through the major challenges experienced when cancer touches your life. We define a clear picture of where you are stuck, stopped or blocked and what is holding you back from having the energy and ability to thrive.

How you view the experience can have a powerful effect on your energy level, outlook and your ability to harness the resources you need to heal and navigate the "new normal". You may not be able to change the circumstances of your cancer but you can shift how you choose to go through the experience.

For survivors who are newly diagnosed, coaching can help you overcome the sense of overwhelm and generate a plan to manage major decisions, build your support team and be empowered to take charge of your healing journey. It is also a great way to keep some balance.

It's not uncommon for the medical concerns to override all else and significantly impact quality of life and your primary relationships. Coaching helps identify potential pitfalls like this and supports you to design actions to generate a different outcome.

For post-treatment survivors, both those newly out of treatment and those years beyond who find themselves still dealing with after effects, coaching is a way to take your life back. It helps you build a bridge from where you are to where you want to be.

The experience of cancer often creates new priorities and goals for survivors. Sometimes this can leave you in a place of needing to redefine yourself. Coaching helps you to identify your core values, what you are truly committed to and how you want to invest your energy in alignment with that which matters most to you. When you do THAT you can't help but uncover a hidden source of energy and inspiration. You can read more about cancer survivorship coaching on my website at http://www.cancersurvivorshipcoaching.com or on my guest post "You Have a Cancer What?!"at http://bit.ly/g9gMnR. Of course, I'm happy to answer any further questions here on this site!