Sexual Relations

The most important tip that I can give to seniors to improve their sexual relationship is the power of laughter. Because of the aging process, sexual encounters may be difficult at times. Engaging in gentle humor may help people get through an awkward moment of physical or emotional issues. With a gentle and loving laugh, shows our partners that there is an understanding that comes between two people who want to be together.

Sexual encounters should be enjoyable regardless how old you are. If you are having physical problems seek help from a healthcare professional that can guide you on what medications that you can or cannot take to help improve your physical condition. Or there are many self-help books that are out there in the market place that a person can buy without feeling shameful about.

Some seniors may feel embarrassed about sexual encounters because of the changes in their bodies. Communication can be a great aphrodisiac, speak to your partner about how you feel. When you open your feelings up it allows the other person to see how astonishing you are.

If you are not in a long term monogamous relationship with a person, you should insist that your partner wear a condom during intercourse. Sexual transmitted diseases are the fastest growing diseases in the adult community of people who are over fifty and up.

If your partner says no to a condom, be aware that by your consenting to his action, you will be exposing yourself to all of his sexual encounters before you. The most important tip that I can give to seniors to improve their sexual relationship is the power of laughter. Because of the aging process, sexual encounters may be difficult at times. Engaging in gentle humor may help people get through an awkward moment of physical or emotional issues. With a gentle and loving laugh, shows our partners that there is an understanding that comes between two people who want to be together.

Sexual encounters should be enjoyable regardless how old you are. If you are having physical problems seek help from a healthcare professional that can guide you on what medications that you can or cannot take to help improve your physical condition. Or there are many self-help books that are out there in the market place that a person can buy without feeling shameful about.

Some seniors may feel embarrassed about sexual encounters because of the changes in their bodies. Communication can be a great aphrodisiac, speak to your partner about how you feel. When you open your feelings up it allows the other person to see how astonishing you are.

If you are not in a long term monogamous relationship with a person, you should insist that your partner wear a condom during intercourse. Sexual transmitted diseases are the fastest growing diseases in the adult community of people who are over fifty and up.

If your partner says no to a condom, be aware that by your consenting to his action, you will be exposing yourself to all of his sexual encounters before you.

To explain to another person regarding the scars they are seeing on your body, one must start with one’s self. When another person wants to get involved with you romantically, they want to be with you. They feel the need and the desire of having you in their life. Seeing your scars on your body may make your partner want to be with you even more. They see your scars with a loving respect of how you endured your physical disease of melanoma.

Therefore, it appears from this question that you are more uncomfortable with the scars on your body, then your partner. “Scars” represent many things to many people. There are emotional scars, physical or visible scars. One must acknowledge the “scars” for what they are. Yes, you had melanoma; these scars are my scars, my history, that I had this disease process. I am alive and capable of having a romantic relationship with someone that I choose to be with.

If the scars are bothersome to you, there are various ways that you may cover them and not show them to your partner until you are ready to.

How comfortable are you with your romantic encounter? That is the question that you should be asking yourself. If you feel more comfortable to discuss your melenoma scars before your romantic encounter, then do so.

There is a famous model Parma Parvati Lakshmi. Her scar came from an automobile accident. At first she was reluctant to show her scar. However, over a period of time she decided not to let her scar rule her life. Now she shows her scar with digiity and respect. To explain to another person regarding the scars they are seeing on your body, one must start with one’s self. When another person wants to get involved with you romantically, they want to be with you. They feel the need and the desire of having you in their life. Seeing your scars on your body may make your partner want to be with you even more. They see your scars with a loving respect of how you endured your physical disease of melanoma.

Therefore, it appears from this question that you are more uncomfortable with the scars on your body, then your partner. “Scars” represent many things to many people. There are emotional scars, physical or visible scars. One must acknowledge the “scars” for what they are. Yes, you had melanoma; these scars are my scars, my history, that I had this disease process. I am alive and capable of having a romantic relationship with someone that I choose to be with.

If the scars are bothersome to you, there are various ways that you may cover them and not show them to your partner until you are ready to.

How comfortable are you with your romantic encounter? That is the question that you should be asking yourself. If you feel more comfortable to discuss your melenoma scars before your romantic encounter, then do so.

There is a famous model Parma Parvati Lakshmi. Her scar came from an automobile accident. At first she was reluctant to show her scar. However, over a period of time she decided not to let her scar rule her life. Now she shows her scar with digiity and respect.

Hi Rachel! Now that know who you are, I'll be glad to. For anyone else reading this, Rachel Pappas is a cancer survivor and has a website called www.1UpOnCancer.com. The site is informative and has a variety of helpful topics, including a page I loved about plain old humor!

Now to answer that great Question:

This is not an easy question to answer for me, although at my age, you might have thought otherwise. With age comes experience of many things cancer, but this one topic is a lightning rod for any age, I believe. My experience has taught me two things:

1. All people, including men, have "baggage". If you don't find this out early, their weakness (wherever that may come from), will fall on you. I hope you get what I'm saying here. We, as survivors, think of ourselves as the "weak" one, when in fact it is imperative to make sure you know the person frontward and backwards. Regard yourself in the highest esteem, and you won't fall prey easily to someone who can hurt you further. The sex part is just the culmination of a great relationship, or should be, expecially being a cancer survivor. At this point in the game, who of us needs more pain?

2. If you find a your "Calvin" (the good guy/significant other), then it's time for you to make sure YOU are ready. Are you? Write down all your fears and assessments of yourself: i.e. If you are repulsed by your own image (secretly) of scars, etc., more than likely that innermost self-hatred will carry over and "reveal itself" to your partner (not a good thing), will surprise and scare them. They will think it's them that is causing you the pain. Confusion like that is unnecessary. I have sabotaged relationships because of internal fears, when I should have just let that person love me like they wanted to.

Finally, sex after treatment can be painful. Be sure to have "the talk" with the other person. Be honest and open about the fact you yourself may not know how your body is going to react to touch, sensation, intercourse. I've found that my body goes through "phases" dependant upon my stress levels, emotions from family and social environment, nutritional challenges, medications. These all have an effect on our body and will eventually effect sexual relationships. It's a juggling act, if there ever was one. But I have faith in it.

I will suggest a book that is a great guide for any survivor. I did a review on my site of it. It is The Lovin' Ain't Over for Women with Cancer by Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz. Chapter 10- The New Single Woman, covers this exact issue.

To quote in part "...

Relationship
1. Know what you want to say and practice saying it
2. Be honest
3. Put yourself in the potential partner's place

Before sex
1. Tell about the cancer treatment
2. Have realistic expectations; sex for the first time is not always that great."

In the book there are great guides also about lubricants, medications, both herbal and pharma, that may help you whether you are sexually active or not.

I hope you found this helpful, and yes, Rachel you may use this on your site. Just please be sure to give credit to Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz if you quote their part. Thanks! (They sent me my print copy for review, and I found it so personally helpful). My review of the book should still be "featured" on my site Home Page, if you'd like to take a look. Hi Rachel! Now that know who you are, I'll be glad to. For anyone else reading this, Rachel Pappas is a cancer survivor and has a website called www.1UpOnCancer.com. The site is informative and has a variety of helpful topics, including a page I loved about plain old humor!

Now to answer that great Question:

This is not an easy question to answer for me, although at my age, you might have thought otherwise. With age comes experience of many things cancer, but this one topic is a lightning rod for any age, I believe. My experience has taught me two things:

1. All people, including men, have "baggage". If you don't find this out early, their weakness (wherever that may come from), will fall on you. I hope you get what I'm saying here. We, as survivors, think of ourselves as the "weak" one, when in fact it is imperative to make sure you know the person frontward and backwards. Regard yourself in the highest esteem, and you won't fall prey easily to someone who can hurt you further. The sex part is just the culmination of a great relationship, or should be, expecially being a cancer survivor. At this point in the game, who of us needs more pain?

2. If you find a your "Calvin" (the good guy/significant other), then it's time for you to make sure YOU are ready. Are you? Write down all your fears and assessments of yourself: i.e. If you are repulsed by your own image (secretly) of scars, etc., more than likely that innermost self-hatred will carry over and "reveal itself" to your partner (not a good thing), will surprise and scare them. They will think it's them that is causing you the pain. Confusion like that is unnecessary. I have sabotaged relationships because of internal fears, when I should have just let that person love me like they wanted to.

Finally, sex after treatment can be painful. Be sure to have "the talk" with the other person. Be honest and open about the fact you yourself may not know how your body is going to react to touch, sensation, intercourse. I've found that my body goes through "phases" dependant upon my stress levels, emotions from family and social environment, nutritional challenges, medications. These all have an effect on our body and will eventually effect sexual relationships. It's a juggling act, if there ever was one. But I have faith in it.

I will suggest a book that is a great guide for any survivor. I did a review on my site of it. It is The Lovin' Ain't Over for Women with Cancer by Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz. Chapter 10- The New Single Woman, covers this exact issue.

To quote in part "...

Relationship
1. Know what you want to say and practice saying it
2. Be honest
3. Put yourself in the potential partner's place

Before sex
1. Tell about the cancer treatment
2. Have realistic expectations; sex for the first time is not always that great."

In the book there are great guides also about lubricants, medications, both herbal and pharma, that may help you whether you are sexually active or not.

I hope you found this helpful, and yes, Rachel you may use this on your site. Just please be sure to give credit to Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz if you quote their part. Thanks! (They sent me my print copy for review, and I found it so personally helpful). My review of the book should still be "featured" on my site Home Page, if you'd like to take a look.