Patients

My mother is 87 and yesterday we were at her docs. Now she was brought up to think of docs as "gods" and authority figures that are never to be argued with or questioned or even to converse normally with. The docs were doing them a favor by taking care of their medical concerns. I saw this attitude with her yesterday, nodding and smiling and agreeing with whatever the doc said. This is not how to have a conversation with a doc! Luckily, her doc questioned her more thoroughly to elicit the type of information she needed to address my mother's current medical condition.

Being diagnosed with and treated for cancer as Beth above mentioned, makes one more comfortable with docs and other medical personnel. Once diagnosed I insisted on a second opinion and received one. I must say that experience was eye-opening! I had never been treated so shoddily by any doc, young or old, male or female. He was AWFUL, patronizing, cloying, with an attitude of "I'll tell you, you will not question me". I high- tailed it out of there and ran back to my original oncologist. As with any professional, respect should be showed by the patient to the doc but also the other way around! The doc should also show the patient respect and if she/he does not, then find another doc! Good customer service is expected wherever you go for whatever service you need. Medical care is no different. You and/or your insurance company is paying the bill for your medical treatment. If you are not shown respect and treated professionally, find someplace else to go! If you went to get your car fixed and the service people had a bad attitude and treated you and your car inappropriately, wouldn't you not find another car repair shop? As the old saying goes, "(s)he who holds the dollar makes the rules". You or your insurance co. holds this particular dollar, so if your needs are not being met find someone who will meet ALL your medical needs, including the need for humanity and respect.

Providing patients with information and encouraging conversation and exchange of ideas and thoughts and treating them with kindness and empathy would go a long way to encouraging them to ask and question. That starts with the medical personnel other than the doc. Having a pleasant and caring person taking vitals and other things that have to be accomplished in a medical office goes a long way in making a patient feel comfortable enough to participate in their own treatment, recovery and healing. I think if there is more discussion about this matter the general public will eventually demand more than medical information from their medical personnel. My mother is 87 and yesterday we were at her docs. Now she was brought up to think of docs as "gods" and authority figures that are never to be argued with or questioned or even to converse normally with. The docs were doing them a favor by taking care of their medical concerns. I saw this attitude with her yesterday, nodding and smiling and agreeing with whatever the doc said. This is not how to have a conversation with a doc! Luckily, her doc questioned her more thoroughly to elicit the type of information she needed to address my mother's current medical condition.

Being diagnosed with and treated for cancer as Beth above mentioned, makes one more comfortable with docs and other medical personnel. Once diagnosed I insisted on a second opinion and received one. I must say that experience was eye-opening! I had never been treated so shoddily by any doc, young or old, male or female. He was AWFUL, patronizing, cloying, with an attitude of "I'll tell you, you will not question me". I high- tailed it out of there and ran back to my original oncologist. As with any professional, respect should be showed by the patient to the doc but also the other way around! The doc should also show the patient respect and if she/he does not, then find another doc! Good customer service is expected wherever you go for whatever service you need. Medical care is no different. You and/or your insurance company is paying the bill for your medical treatment. If you are not shown respect and treated professionally, find someplace else to go! If you went to get your car fixed and the service people had a bad attitude and treated you and your car inappropriately, wouldn't you not find another car repair shop? As the old saying goes, "(s)he who holds the dollar makes the rules". You or your insurance co. holds this particular dollar, so if your needs are not being met find someone who will meet ALL your medical needs, including the need for humanity and respect.

Providing patients with information and encouraging conversation and exchange of ideas and thoughts and treating them with kindness and empathy would go a long way to encouraging them to ask and question. That starts with the medical personnel other than the doc. Having a pleasant and caring person taking vitals and other things that have to be accomplished in a medical office goes a long way in making a patient feel comfortable enough to participate in their own treatment, recovery and healing. I think if there is more discussion about this matter the general public will eventually demand more than medical information from their medical personnel.

I agree with the above suggestions.

I will also add that you need to stand up for yourself. Do not be afraid to ask questions. Make sure your medical team knows how you are feeling. They can't help if they don't know. You deserve certain things as a patient and if you are getting them, you will be more in control. You may need someone to assist you, but, that's okay too.

It will get easier. Feeling like things seem out of control is an appropriate reaction to getting a cancer diagnosis. Your body is literally acting out. So, first of all, I think it's important to give yourself permission to feel out of control. Allowing ourselves to have all of our feelings, even the uncomfortable ones. After that, I think the best way to feel more in control is to focus on what is actually under your control. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Make a list of what is under your control. This is an opportunity to get really creative. If your body is cooperating, then you can control what you choose to eat. If you have the energy, you can control how you move. You can control who you talk to to. You can control the decision to take a break or throw yourself into a project. And, if all else fails, you can control the choice to breathe slowly and treat yourself with great compassion.
2. Write the list down. Make copies for your kitchen, your car, your office, and anywhere else you might need it. Put it on your phone, iPad, etc. Cut up the list and put the pieces in the a jar. If you're feeling stuck, grab one at random.
3. Recognize that you may need to add some new pieces to your support structure to help increase your sense of control. You may need to connect with a support group, a pastor or a therapist to help you develop new skills.
I hope that met your need. Please feel free to ask for more clarification.