My friends all tell me that I am handling this too well. I do fall apart at times. I want them to realize I really need their support. How can I convey this?

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member2503 (Survivor (5 - 10 years)) - 08 / 14 / 2011

Sometimes just being upfront and honest with them is the best. These are your friends-be open and honest with them about your feelings. Tell them that everyday is not a happy-go-lucky day and that you have down days too. Let them know that yes, you are able to manage your feelings and come through on most days happy and upbeat. But there comes a time when you may be riding the emotional roller coaster and that's when their support and being there for you can be the most helpful. Whether it's someone to just listen while you talk, or just sit quietly with you. They're seeing what I call "surface emotions" but unless you convey your feelings to them, that's all they're really seeing...surface emotions.

jackiefox12 (Survivor (2 - 5 years)) - 08 / 14 / 2011

It's weird how often people tell us how brave we are going through this when we don't feel particularly brave. It seems to be a pretty universal experience, maybe because we aren't visibly falling apart. It might be difficult but just tell them what you told us in your question--let them know "I might look like I'm handling it well but trust me, I need and rely on your support." Good luck.

Bumpyboobs (Survivor (1 year)) - 10 / 06 / 2011

That's a tricky question, since I suppose no one wants to 'break down' in front of friends. I can only speak from personal experience - I used my blog to communicate good days and bad (e.g. asking for help, for food, etc) and that made it easier. But face to face, with my very good friends, I was as honest as possible. Like Jackie says, tell them straight out - or one step further, ask them for specific forms of help.

But for me it was the blog. I could be honest - raw and honest - then move on. Anyone who was interested could read, and anyone who couldn't handle the drama didn't need to check the site.

Fsechzer (other) - 08 / 14 / 2011

Mostly people are kind and want to help, but they just don't know how to best express it. You can help them by being very specific on what kind of support you need and from whom. For example, one friend could be great company for coffee, but not sit with you through chemo. Someone else could you may not want as company now, but would like to hear from through e-mails, etc. You can appoint one person your spokesperson, for the times you don't have the energy to explain the same thing to a 100 wellwishers.

You know your friends and you know yourself. Set up a task list and schedule for each person you want to be in your support circle. Let them know what you want their role to be in your support circle (what to do and how often) and see if they are up for the task. If someone can't serve the role you assigned find another appropriate person.

Not every person will be able to come through for you the way you would like, but don't hold it against them. We are really never sure what our abilities to cope and help are, until we are tested. Just think that their "helping muscle" is not strong enough yet. How can I help you? Hugs, Faina.
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