Mother

Like all questions of work-life balance, this one is hard to answer because it is so personal.

My top priorities in life are spending time with my kids and husband, spending time with family and friends, and excelling in my job (I am a PhD-level microbiologist). I also had to learn how to excel at being a patient while still having time and energy for these other focal areas. In the heart of illness, my health trumped everything else. However, everything else could take on a new form. Instead of walking my kids to the playground, I laid on the floor and did puzzles. Instead of going out with friends, friends watched movies on the couch with me. Instead of going to work and performing an experiment, I worked on writing projects on my laptop at home. In short, I tried to keep my other priorities, but I adjusted my expectations for myself in them. And if I had a down day where I felt awful for whatever reason, I didn't force myself to tackle any of these other priorities.

My first piece of advice is to let your health take priority. You can't perform your other priorities if you are dead.

My second piece of advice is to continue to function at some level in your other priorities. This will help you maintain your sense of self-worth, keep you in close contact with your support network, and speed your recovery. Like all questions of work-life balance, this one is hard to answer because it is so personal.

My top priorities in life are spending time with my kids and husband, spending time with family and friends, and excelling in my job (I am a PhD-level microbiologist). I also had to learn how to excel at being a patient while still having time and energy for these other focal areas. In the heart of illness, my health trumped everything else. However, everything else could take on a new form. Instead of walking my kids to the playground, I laid on the floor and did puzzles. Instead of going out with friends, friends watched movies on the couch with me. Instead of going to work and performing an experiment, I worked on writing projects on my laptop at home. In short, I tried to keep my other priorities, but I adjusted my expectations for myself in them. And if I had a down day where I felt awful for whatever reason, I didn't force myself to tackle any of these other priorities.

My first piece of advice is to let your health take priority. You can't perform your other priorities if you are dead.

My second piece of advice is to continue to function at some level in your other priorities. This will help you maintain your sense of self-worth, keep you in close contact with your support network, and speed your recovery.

I think learning of my daughter's diagnosis was much worse than facing my own cancer diagnosis. We had no family history of breast cancer so I never thought about her developing breast cancer.

Fortunately, when she developed pain and intermittent nipple discharge, she went to her doctor. At 27 yr old, they immediately told her she was over-reacting and dismissed her symptoms as related to breast feeding. Her youngest child was long past breast feeding so she wouldn't give up. Finally a nurse practitioner took the symptoms seriously and she ordered a ductogram and with the dye and compression mammograms the small areas were found, biopsied and diagnosed as early stage breast cancer. I'm not sure she would have taken these symptoms seriously if she hadn't been through the challenges of my diagnosis 9 yr. earlier.

We lived about 600 mi away from one another but she got the biopsy report while she and her family were visiting us. I was grateful to be able to be there to give support during that difficult time.

I'm called upon daily to assist women who have just received a diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer but it's tough to give guidance to your own daughter. I helped her obtain a 2nd opinion of the biopsy slides (hoping that diagnosis was incorrect), worked with her to research treatment options, and prepare a list of questions for her surgeon. I realized that she would need to make her own decisions and while I could provide information, I needed to be careful and not overwhelm her and listen to what she wanted and needed. It had to be her choice.

In the end she opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy with sentinel node biopsy followed by reconstruction. It was a tough decision but it was what she decided and I was proud of the way she faced the diagnosis.

After her diagnosis, my oncologist suggested genetic counseling since our cancers were both aggressive and diagnosed at a young age. Ultimately I did opt for BRCA 1/BRCA 2 testing and no known mutation was found. I think learning of my daughter's diagnosis was much worse than facing my own cancer diagnosis. We had no family history of breast cancer so I never thought about her developing breast cancer.

Fortunately, when she developed pain and intermittent nipple discharge, she went to her doctor. At 27 yr old, they immediately told her she was over-reacting and dismissed her symptoms as related to breast feeding. Her youngest child was long past breast feeding so she wouldn't give up. Finally a nurse practitioner took the symptoms seriously and she ordered a ductogram and with the dye and compression mammograms the small areas were found, biopsied and diagnosed as early stage breast cancer. I'm not sure she would have taken these symptoms seriously if she hadn't been through the challenges of my diagnosis 9 yr. earlier.

We lived about 600 mi away from one another but she got the biopsy report while she and her family were visiting us. I was grateful to be able to be there to give support during that difficult time.

I'm called upon daily to assist women who have just received a diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer but it's tough to give guidance to your own daughter. I helped her obtain a 2nd opinion of the biopsy slides (hoping that diagnosis was incorrect), worked with her to research treatment options, and prepare a list of questions for her surgeon. I realized that she would need to make her own decisions and while I could provide information, I needed to be careful and not overwhelm her and listen to what she wanted and needed. It had to be her choice.

In the end she opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy with sentinel node biopsy followed by reconstruction. It was a tough decision but it was what she decided and I was proud of the way she faced the diagnosis.

After her diagnosis, my oncologist suggested genetic counseling since our cancers were both aggressive and diagnosed at a young age. Ultimately I did opt for BRCA 1/BRCA 2 testing and no known mutation was found.