Losing A Body Part

Thanks for another great post.

It's sad that the following is not always so "simple:"...

"Simply having someone be with you and accept you for what you are feeling and thinking without judgment can be extremely healing in and of itself."

...but when you do have someone like that, it's true, it's so healing... and it probably helps you to heal "faster" than if you have a person who wishes you'd "get over it."

Often, things that are deceptively simple are also those that we treasure the most. It's hard to put down in a list the things that a therapist does that are therapeutic. For me, therapy and counseling has always been about cultivating a relationship with the client that involves compassion, empathy, trust and respect.

In situations like you describe, I start by trying to convey acceptance of the client where they are, "warts and all." Developing a working relationship can take time, but then I explain the different stages of the grieving process and normalizing what the person is feeling. The loss of a body part IS like a death, or maybe even many deaths. The loss of a physical part of us changes how we see ourselves physically, it can perhaps change what we saw ourselves capable of, what we can accomplish, where we will be int he future. The images we have had of ourselves and of our lifes is changed forever. Therefore it feels like we have experienced a death.

The stages of grief are defined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross as Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance, but unlike other processes with stages, the grief process is not navigated in a linear fashion. Simply having someone be with you and accept you for what you are feeling and thinking without judgment can be extremely healing in and of itself.

I also help people see what stage they may be in at a particular time and suggest healthy ways to cope within that particular stage, perhaps anticipating shifts and therefore changes that need to occur in thought and behavior. For example, helping someone in the Anger Stage to recognize their anger for what it is and redirect it from well meaning friends and family to a safer, more healthy channel.

Every client of mine is encouraged to re-engage with stress management and self-care. The depression that comes along with this can sap energy and cause people to retreat to their beds to nest until they "feel like" getting back into living. Some clients will need a push or two to get back out there. They need to see themselves as capable, beautiful and enduring. I engage people to see themselves as more than a collection of parts. "I am not my body. My body is a vessel where I dwell. I am not my mind. My mind is the conversation I have with myself. I transcend my body and my mind. I am."

It's also important to note that since every person is unique, every grief process is unique. Just because you haven't moved on in the same time as someone else you know doesn't mean you are wrong or crazy. It means this is where you are... for now.