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How do you prepare your children for when you are going through chemotherapy?

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Children Communication Chemotherapy Treatments Chemotherapy

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Children X Communication X Chemotherapy Treatments X Chemotherapy X

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member7497 (Survivor (10 - 20 years)) - 03 / 08 / 2011

Talking to Young Kids
About Your Cancer Diagnosis

I know. This isn’t a conversation anyone wants to have. But part of being a grown-up means that we have to do the hard things, especially when it comes to our children’s well-being. And because a cancer diagnosis effects everyone in the family, it’s important to reach out and communicate to your children. Hoping that they won’t notice really isn’t an option. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

• Cancer is not contagious. In an age when we constantly tell our children to wash their hands so as to not catch germs, we need to make sure they understand that cancer cannot be “given” to someone else. Thankfully. They can give kisses and hold hands and hug just like always. In fact, there’s no better time to be loving.

• Cancer didn’t happen because of something the child did.
Feeling guilty is a very real emotion that children can carry around after a diagnosis. Sometimes for years and years. Yelling at a sibling or not eating the peas on the plate cannot give someone cancer. Tell them straight out that nothing that they did, or said, caused you to get cancer. And then tell them again. And again.

• Cancer is mysterious, even to adults. For young children, the technical details of cell mutation and environmental toxins with fall into the realm of garble-de-gook. If they want to know why someone gets cancer, tell them that it’s hard to know exactly why it happens.

• Cancer is an illness, not a state of being. Even though cancer medicine makes you feel sick, nothing can change how you feel about your children. Let them know they are still loved as much as always.

• Children know what’s going on, even if you don’t tell them.
Oh, they have ears with dog-like hearing, and can pick up on conversations that you’re sure they can’t hear. And they have friends, who will tell them things and ask crazy questions. Even if they’re little. Children who hear the truth from their parents upfront will have less anxiety, and that is one less thing you have to worry about.

• Slow and steady wins the race. You don’t need to tell your kids everything all at once, especially if they are little. The sit-down serious discussion can ratchet up your emotions, which might not be helpful. Give them information in small doses. The more normalized you can make it seem, the more they will accept it and move on. Really.

• Cancer treatment is time consuming. Children who are used to unfettered mommy 24x7 access will have to deal with changes in daily life. That is hard for everyone. But it can show your children that asking for and receiving help is one of the best lessons to learn in life. Reassure them that this treatment phase shall pass.

Sue Glader is a writer, mother and breast cancer survivor living in Mill Valley, California. She is the author of Nowhere Hair, a children’s book that gently and also playfully explains life during chemo and addresses the biggest concerns of young children. www.NowhereHair.com.

Talking to Young Kids 
About Your Cancer Diagnosis

I know.  This isn’t a conversation anyone wants to have.  But part of being a grown-up means that we have to do the hard things, especially when it comes to our children’s well-being.  And because a cancer diagnosis effects everyone in the family, it’s important to reach out and communicate to your children.  Hoping that they won’t notice really isn’t an option.  Here are a few things to keep in mind.

• Cancer is not contagious.  In an age when we constantly tell our children to wash their hands so as to not catch germs, we need to make sure they understand that cancer cannot be “given” to someone else.   Thankfully.  They can give kisses and hold hands and hug just like always.   In fact, there’s no better time to be loving.

• Cancer didn’t happen because of something the child did.    
Feeling guilty is a very real emotion that children can carry around after a diagnosis.  Sometimes for years and years.  Yelling at a sibling or not eating the peas on the plate cannot give someone cancer.  Tell them straight out that nothing that they did, or said, caused you to get cancer.   And then tell them again.  And again.

• Cancer is mysterious, even to adults.  For young children, the technical details of cell mutation and environmental toxins with fall into the realm of garble-de-gook.  If they want to know why someone gets cancer, tell them that it’s hard to know exactly why it happens.

• Cancer is an illness, not a state of being.  Even though cancer medicine makes you feel sick, nothing can change how you feel about your children.  Let them know they are still loved as much as always.

• Children know what’s going on, even if you don’t tell them.  
Oh, they have ears with dog-like hearing, and can pick up on conversations that you’re sure they can’t hear.  And they have friends, who will tell them things and ask crazy questions.  Even if they’re little.  Children who hear the truth from their parents upfront will have less anxiety, and that is one less thing you have to worry about.

• Slow and steady wins the race. You don’t need to tell your kids everything all at once, especially if they are little.  The sit-down serious discussion can ratchet up your emotions, which might not be helpful.  Give them information in small doses.  The more normalized you can make it seem, the more they will accept it and move on.  Really.

• Cancer treatment is time consuming.  Children who are used to unfettered mommy 24x7 access will have to deal with changes in daily life.  That is hard for everyone.  But it can show your children that asking for and receiving help is one of the best lessons to learn in life.  Reassure them that this treatment phase shall pass.

Sue Glader is a writer, mother and breast cancer survivor living in Mill Valley, California.  She is the author of Nowhere Hair, a children’s book that gently and also playfully explains life during chemo and addresses the biggest concerns of young children.  <a href="http://www.NowhereHair.com" target="_blank">www.NowhereHair.com</a>.

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Latest Activity: 03 / 08 / 2011
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