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How do you help survivors deal with the isolation and loneliness which often occur once family and friends are ready to move on after treatment is finished?
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Dr._Ann_Becker-Schutte (Psychologist (Verified) ) - 10 / 11 / 2011
This question is actually a big part of what let me to specialize in working with folks affected by serious illness. Coping with a cancer diagnosis is a process that starts with the moment of diagnosis and can last long past treatment. I think that many family members and friends are dealing with two separate issues here:
1. They really don't understand what is happening. With some medical issues, once treatment is completed, then you're done. The issue is resolved, and life returns to "normal," even if "normal" is a little different than it used to be. When you have cancer, your body may be permanently changed by the treatment process (lymphodema is just one example of this). The fear of recurrence never entirely goes away. Neither your mind or your body return to their pre-cancer status.
2. They desperately want you to be better. This can be because they have been in a "high-alert" state during the time of your treatment, and they're exhausted. Compassion fatigue is a real phenomenon and it affects families and care communities as well as care professionals. It can also be that they want you to be "normal" and healthy in a pre-cancer way. If so, they may be going through their own grief process (which includes denial), and so they may be trying to "will" you there.
Sometimes understanding what is happening with your family and friends is really helpful, because it puts their actions in a context. But contextualizing their behavior is only one step. You still need to get the support you deserve. So here are a few thoughts on that.
1. It is absolutely normal to experience a lot of changes and challenges that last beyond the end of treatment. There may be some parts of your life that are permanently changed.
2. Our culture often expects people to "get over" grief (and surviving cancer includes several different kinds of grief) much faster than we actually do. It's not unusual to continue to feel scared, angry, frustrated, and lonely. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that those feelings are normal.
3. It helps to connect with others who have walked in your shoes. That may be through a local support group, through sites like this, through communities like the #bcsm Twitter chat, or through other online support groups.
4. If you're not getting what you need from support groups or online support, then consider reaching out to a therapist or pastor who can provide more in-depth support.
5. I know that I said this already, but your feelings are normal. Other people feel them too. Even if your family and friends can't provide the support you need, there are avenues to get that support.
I hope that was the information you needed. Please feel free to ask a follow-up question if you want more detailed information.
1. They really don't understand what is happening. With some medical issues, once treatment is completed, then you're done. The issue is resolved, and life returns to "normal," even if "normal" is a little different than it used to be. When you have cancer, your body may be permanently changed by the treatment process (lymphodema is just one example of this). The fear of recurrence never entirely goes away. Neither your mind or your body return to their pre-cancer status.
2. They desperately want you to be better. This can be because they have been in a "high-alert" state during the time of your treatment, and they're exhausted. Compassion fatigue is a real phenomenon and it affects families and care communities as well as care professionals. It can also be that they want you to be "normal" and healthy in a pre-cancer way. If so, they may be going through their own grief process (which includes denial), and so they may be trying to "will" you there.
Sometimes understanding what is happening with your family and friends is really helpful, because it puts their actions in a context. But contextualizing their behavior is only one step. You still need to get the support you deserve. So here are a few thoughts on that.
1. It is absolutely normal to experience a lot of changes and challenges that last beyond the end of treatment. There may be some parts of your life that are permanently changed.
2. Our culture often expects people to "get over" grief (and surviving cancer includes several different kinds of grief) much faster than we actually do. It's not unusual to continue to feel scared, angry, frustrated, and lonely. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that those feelings are normal.
3. It helps to connect with others who have walked in your shoes. That may be through a local support group, through sites like this, through communities like the #bcsm Twitter chat, or through other online support groups.
4. If you're not getting what you need from support groups or online support, then consider reaching out to a therapist or pastor who can provide more in-depth support.
5. I know that I said this already, but your feelings are normal. Other people feel them too. Even if your family and friends can't provide the support you need, there are avenues to get that support.
I hope that was the information you needed. Please feel free to ask a follow-up question if you want more detailed information.
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