Fear

I'm not sure that fear ever goes away. No matter how far out we get, no matter how many clean scans, it lurks in a closet waiting...

I agree with everything written: make the healthiest choices possible and embrace the moments we have. The only thing I might add is to give yourself permission for the rough days. For me it was often a scan or test that yanked the fears out of the closet and demanded I confront them. It's so very normal to be afraid, and the only way to deal with it sometimes is to walk through it. Remember there was a day when an initial diagnosis was your greatest fear, and you had the strength to manage it, overcome it, and move on. Trust in yourself that while it's okay to be afraid, should you ever need to, you have the inner stregnth to do it again.

In my perfect world scenario, no woman who is newly diagnosed should be making her health care decisions without backup. Backup may be a friend, a family member, a nurse advocate, a social worker, etc. With that in mind, here are a few suggestions:
1. If nothing else, make sure that you have someone with you at critical doctors' appointments. This person should be able to ask questions, take notes, etc. Ideally, they'll be someone who is good at explaining things, so that if you have questions later, you can check in with them.
2. In addition to having a back-up person, consider using some technology. Take a digital recorder, or use the recording tool on your cell phone.
3. Set aside some time to process your emotional reactions. If you need an evening (or several), to cry, to say that it's not fair, to freak out, please give yourself that time.
4. Use resources to generate questions if you're feeling overwhelmed. Sites like this one can be a great place to get some direction on the things you may need to ask. The social worker or nurse advocate at your cancer facility should also be able to help with that.
5. This may make me sound like a broken record, but I also think it can be valuable to get additional support, particularly during the most intense period of decision-making.
I know that this is a huge topic, so I'd welcome any follow-up questions.

I don't know if that fear ever totally goes away. I am four years post chemo and almost five years post mastectomy. In the span of a month (recently), I had myself in the internet pine box. Every weird episode and every ache and pain that is in a potential "mets" spot and I still have to talk myself off the ledge. I do believe it's definitely a form of PTSD and although it might get better, a cancer dx changes you and it changes you forever.

I found yoga about a year ago, too. That has helped. Pushing the thought out of your head isn't going to do the trick. At least it doesn't do it for me. I have to process the fear in the moment I am feeling it. Even if I KNOW I'm being completely irrational and illogical, feelings are just that. FEELINGS.. and the worst thing, for me, is to attempt to diminish the feeling. Or ignore it. I found when I do that, the damn thing takes on a life of its own and definitely becomes worse than ever and the fear is suddenly larger than life.

If I can't shake the fear and I realize I'm being a bit over the top, I will do things like blast a "feel good song" .... go grab a glass of water.... walk outside if it's a nice enough day..... sit on the yoga mat and do some gentle stretches.... And, honestly, if I can't get myself recentered, I use the anxiety medication. Fortunately, I don't have to use it frequently but if it's necessary, I will take something.

The fact that you are still experiencing pain isn't helping the situation. The pain in itself is a constant reminder so it's not difficult to just make that mental leap. I think as the pain subsides and it's less "in your face" these frightening feelings will become more manageable and will occur less frequently.

Yes, it does take time and it helps if you have a buddy (one buddy) who can help talk you off the ledge. I have a girlfriend who (last month) said, "you need an MRI" (I swore I had brain mets because of two unexplained falls in a 90 minute period of time). When I told her that I was NOT doing that, she switched gears and calmed me down. (She did monitor my "are you falling" in her own sneaky way for the next several weeks...) ....

Talking helps. I hope you keep reaching out. Coming here and just asking the question is a great step in a good direction.

All the best,
AnneMarie

Remember that your worst fears are rarely ever realized. Mark Twain once said, "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." The brain is a problem solving organ and it can latch onto an emotion and try to problem solve it until you feel a hundred times worse.

Try eliminating caffiene and stimulants. Do some early morning deep breathing, meditation, stretching/yoga or prayer. Engage in guided imagery or positive imagery where you see yourself engaging in your daily work seccussfully and without problems.

Sit down and write out some of the fears that you have before you leave the house. Just take about 10 to 15 minutes. As you do that challenge yourself as to how reasonable that fear sounds. You might reason out any power that trigger had before you even step outside your door.

Give yourself permission to disengage while you are at work in case you start to feel trapped or overly anxious. Simply say things like, "I don't have to stay here if I feel panicked, I can go but it's not that bad yet so I can stay a little longer."

Maintain awareness of your stress level and body tension throughout the day and use the breathing and stretching at your desk to continue to manage stress. Talk to yourself in a compassionate way, acknowledge your fear but reason with it. Don't let it cause you to catastrophyze into panic.

The most effective thing I have learned and taught is to focus your mind on your breathing while making an attempt to change your breathing pattern. Panic comes from the triggering of the body's Fight or Flight response, a natural, protective action your body takes automatically when there is a perceived threat. With high stress levels, a lack of self-care and/or pain or chronic health conditions, the Fight or Flight response can be triggered by events and things that are not immenent threats. My favorite breathing technique is listed on "Breathing the Master Key to Self Healing" a CD by Dr. Andrew Weil. The specific technique is called the Relaxing Breath and it goes like this: 1) hold the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth just behind your front teeth about 1/4 inch (keep it there throughout this process), 2) breathe in through your nose for the count of four, 3) hold it in your belly for the count of seven and 4) blow out through pursed lips for the count of eight until your lungs can't push out any more air. Repeat these steps four to eight times depending on your lung capacity. Use your diaphram (stomach) muscle to sustain your breath and don't let it all spill out at once. Breathing out slowly will slow your heart rate down and controlling your breath will increase the amount of oxygen in your blood stream. You may feel dizzy or light headed at first. That may be an indicator to speed up or slow down your counting. How fast isn't important. What is important is the ratio of 4-7-8. If your breathing is impaired, just try focusing on making your breathing slower, longer, deeper and more regular. Put the picture in your mind's eye of a slow wave crawling up the beach and retreating. Try to match your breathing pattern to that wave's motion. Doing these techniques can help you to reverse the Fight or Flight response and allow you to think a little clearer and more rationally. Practice it at least a couple times a day and notice how you feel afterwards. Use it before something that causes you anxiety. Keep a small mood log or chart to track your progress. Rate your anxiety or panic on the pain scale of 0 to 10. You might not feel a great difference at first, but with practice you can decrease the intensity of your panic, shorten it's duration and even prevent an attack altogether. Once you come to see you have something under your control that helps with your distress, the pressure you feel to prevent another attack will subside. It helped me deal with my own anxiety for about 15 years now. And it's drug free!