Change

In my book, I talk a lot about this subject. In fact, I end the book with a list of Do’s and Don’ts: Things you can and cannot do to help a person who’s been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. I’ve heard from my readers that it is one of the chapters that helped them the most.

If you are the one who has changed and you are unsure of how to reintroduce yourself to your family and friends, I think it is really important to be open about who you are now and how you are feeling.

I underwent a major metamorphosis, which I talk about in my book. Some of the things were very obvious, but others were more subtle. I was lucky in that my husband realized the differences pretty quickly and on the ones that weren’t so pleasant, i.e. lashing out in frustration, he was good to point out to me that he was in my corner and I didn’t need to be so harsh. That usually brought me back down.

For others, I found myself just being honest. I would say things like, “I just don’t think that way anymore,” or “I hope you won’t be offended but I’m not the person I used to be and it may take a while to get used to the new me.” Most of my friends were pretty wonderful about tiptoeing around me until they figured it out.

I am sure, if you are like me, there have been a lot of weepy moments. I didn’t get embarrassed by them, I would say, “You know, ever since I got cancer, my bladder has taken up residence behind my eyeballs.” Joking about what was going on put everyone, including myself at ease and I found a lot of empathy that way.

I also had to re-evaluate several of my relationships and I walked away from some of them, including the one I had with my mother. I learned that poison comes in many forms and the relationship I had with her was toxic. I could not afford to have toxins in my life anymore and so I made the decision that I had to get out of it. If I can give you one piece of advice is it to give yourself permission to do whatever you have to do to protect yourself during this vulnerable time.

The more time passes, the more comfortable you will become in your own skin and the more comfortable others will become with you. Just don’t feel guilty about what you need to do and don’t hesitate to express your desires where others are concerned.
New Answer

Debbie - Thank you for your question. Today, I have been plagued with an intense feeling of anxiety, so I must be honest when I admit that the anxiety that comes with change never really goes away. But, I have learned to accept that anxiety is part of the process. I am also learning to accept that the anxiety never stays forever and eventually it gets replaced with the joy of a new experience.

I wrote a post about this back in December and included in it is a great quote by a Hopi elder about Letting Go Of The Shore. When I am having a particularly challenging day, I like to re-read the quote and remind myself that "the river has a destination".

So...that's what I'm doing today. Breathing into a paper bag and reminding myself to Let Go Of The Shore and just enjoy the journey...

Here's the link to the post: http://www.afreshchapter.com/letting-go-of-the-shore.html

But, in case you just want to read the quote, here it is:

“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those that will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel that they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.

Know that the river has its destination. The elders say that we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.

The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

For we are the ones that we have been waiting for.”