Breast Cancer Community

This question really resonates. I find we are surrounded by expectations that now that we are out of active treatment (not counting Tamoxifen) we are able to "move on"and that the cancer episode is over.

Firstly I guess we have to validate our own feelings, particularly if we are living without relapse (to date). There is a huge difference between "cured" and "no relapse" - the reality is that no recurrence is not the same as a cure. The difference is probably far more subtle if cancer has not touched your life. I know I can speak from my own pre-cancer lack of knowledge and understanding and would never have seen the difference. We need to be clear in our own minds about the rationale of why we are afraid. We should also acknowledge the emotional and psychological toll of a breast cancer diagnosis and its after effects. It is real and it is valid.

All too often, however, it is hard to convey this message to those around us. And I am sure they fatigue of hearing us talk about cancer. It probably also brings a discomfort; those around us have been confronted with the possibility and fear that we could die when first diagnosed. It is natural to put that to the background where there is no immediacy of active treatment. I can understand and respect that.

So that brings us to the fact that with the breast cancer community we have a space where we can talk openly about our fears, concerns, successes. We can laugh and cry together about what often appears superficial or "too much information" in a non breast cancer context. I remember very detailed discussions about chemo side effects, laughing and agonising about constipation and other chemo induced delights!

A key benefit of remaining part of the breast cancer community is that those in the community "get it" when we vent or share. For example, if we have a worrisome sign then sharing with a fellow breast cancer friend brings responses which both validate our worries and offer wishes for it not to be sinister and unconditional support for us to vent. Similarly, our mixed feelings and emotional exhaustion are understood at times of good results when there is otherwise an expectation for us to be leaping with joy. And what may seem tiny steps forward, our fellow breast cancer friends understand as giant leaps of progress.

A further benefit is that there is a lively and passionate debate about the issues surrounding breast cancer. Look at the variety of blog posts and articles discussing Breast Cancer Awareness Month and commercialisation of the pink ribbon.

So there are considerable benefits and opportunities for us to engage in the breast cancer community. If we want to, that is. It is very much an individual choice about the level of engagement with the breast cancer community. It is also something which can fluctuate over time too, depending on where we are emotionally and physically. They key is that we must respect the choices others make. For instance, a close friend of mine deliberately disengages from breast cancer discussions and activities. She prefers to remain private and finds it unhelpful to have a constant reminder of breast cancer. That is what works for her and I totally respect that.

As a final observation, I think it is important to recognise how much access we have nowadays to support thanks to the internet. Even 5 years ago my breast cancer experience would have been very different, and I believe it would have been much more difficult. I am inordinately thankful for that and for the worldwide support I have.